How to Deal with a Breakup Around the Holidays
Dealing with a breakup during the holidays
Breakups are always hard, but when they happen around the holidays, it can feel especially painful. The season, often associated with joy, family, and celebrations, can make you feel isolated, stressed, or even like you’re living in a different world than everyone else. It’s as though you’re caught between the pressure to “enjoy the holidays” and the weight of your emotions. But here’s the good news: It’s completely possible to navigate a breakup during this time with care, compassion for yourself, and steps that can help you heal.
Let’s dive into how you can deal with a breakup around the holidays in a healthy and understanding way
1) Acknowledge Your Feelings and Give Yourself Permission to Grieve
After a breakup, especially around the holidays, it’s easy to feel like you’re supposed to “bounce back” quickly, to act as though everything is fine. You might feel pressure from social media, family, or friends to be happy, put on a smile, and make it through without breaking down. But the truth is, it’s okay to grieve.
In fact, it’s important to acknowledge what you’re going through. Breakups bring up complex emotions—sadness, anger, relief, loneliness, confusion—and these feelings don’t disappear just because the holiday season is supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year.”
Give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling, even if that means having a good cry. You might feel an intense sense of loss, especially if the relationship was a big part of your holiday traditions. Maybe you’re mourning the future you thought you would have together, the plans you made, or the shared memories you created.
By allowing yourself the space to mourn, you’re showing yourself the kind of compassion you deserve. It’s also important to remember that there’s no timeline for healing. Some days may feel better than others, and that’s okay. Healing isn’t linear, especially during such an emotional time.
2) Set Realistic Expectations for the Holidays
It’s tempting to want to make the holidays feel “normal” after a breakup. You may think that if you just push through, pretend things are fine, and continue with your usual routines, you’ll feel better. But pretending to be okay when you’re not isn’t a long-term solution.
Instead of focusing on a perfect holiday, let go of expectations. Recognize that this year may look different than others, and that’s okay. You might not feel like attending every holiday party or participating in the usual festive activities, and that’s fine. The idea of “perfect holidays” can create unnecessary pressure, especially when you’re grieving a loss.
Instead, think about what *you* need right now. It’s okay if that means scaling back on the holiday events or being selective about how you spend your time. You don’t need to meet other people’s expectations—focus on what feels right for you in this moment.
3) Create New Traditions (or Take a Break from Old Ones)
One of the hardest parts of a breakup during the holidays is how it disrupts your old traditions. Maybe you and your ex had special rituals, like decorating the tree together, baking cookies, or attending holiday events as a couple. Those traditions can be triggering, and it’s important to acknowledge that it’s okay to step back from them this year.
If possible, create new traditions that feel more aligned with where you are right now. This might mean spending more time with close friends or family, focusing on self-care, or even volunteering. New traditions don’t have to be huge, but they can help you start fresh and make the holiday season feel less defined by the absence of your ex.
If there are particular activities that you used to share with your ex but you want to continue in your life, it’s okay to make them your own. For example, if you loved going ice skating or watching a certain movie, you could invite a friend, family member, or even do it solo. You don’t need to let the breakup erase the things you enjoy, but you also don’t have to carry the same associations you once had.
4) Practice Self-Care
Self-care becomes even more essential when you’re navigating the emotional complexity of a breakup during the holidays. It’s easy to overlook your needs when you’re dealing with the hustle and bustle of the season, but tending to yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally can make a big difference in your healing process.
Physical Care: Make sure you’re eating nourishing foods, getting enough sleep, and engaging in regular physical activity. Exercise, in particular, can help boost your mood, even when you don’t feel like it. It helps release endorphins, the body’s natural mood-lifters, and can bring a sense of accomplishment.
Mental Care: Practice mindfulness or meditation to quiet your mind and reduce stress. Take some time each day to check in with your feelings and let go of the negative self-talk that can arise after a breakup. Whether through journaling, art, or talking to someone you trust, find a way to process your emotions.
Emotional Care: Be gentle with yourself. Recognize when you need a break from socializing or holiday events. Setting boundaries is a form of self-care. If you need space from certain people or situations that might feel too overwhelming, it’s okay to say no. If you want to be alone to recharge, that’s okay too.
Also, consider surrounding yourself with supportive people. Reach out to friends or family who understand and respect your feelings. Even if you don’t feel like talking, sometimes just having a person who listens can be incredibly comforting.
5) Limit Social Media Exposure
Around the holidays, social media can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it’s a way to stay connected with friends and family, but on the other hand, it can also be a source of comparison, loneliness, or even jealousy. You might see happy couples posting about their holiday festivities, and it could stir up feelings of sadness or frustration.
If social media starts to feel more toxic than helpful, take a break from it. You don’t need to be constantly reminded of what you’ve lost. If you need to unfollow or mute certain accounts—whether they’re exes, couples, or holiday-themed content—that’s totally acceptable. Protecting your peace is more important than staying up to date with everyone else’s highlight reel.
6) Lean Into the Support of Others
While the holidays are often seen as a time for family gatherings and socializing, it’s important to lean on your loved ones for support during a breakup. Don’t hesitate to ask for help, whether it’s seeking a listening ear, asking for company when you need to get out of the house, or letting someone know when you need a distraction.
If your family or friends are aware of your breakup, they can help create a space where you feel cared for. And if they don’t know, it’s okay to reach out and share what you’re going through. People tend to care more than we give them credit for, and sometimes just being in the presence of others can help ease the sting of loneliness.
If you don’t have close friends or family nearby, there are plenty of online communities, support groups, or even professional therapists who can offer you a safe space to express your feelings. You’re never truly alone, even when it feels that way.
7) Avoid Making Major Decisions Too Soon
Breakups, particularly around the holidays, can sometimes lead to impulsive decisions. You might feel an urge to jump into a rebound relationship, make rash choices about your living situation, or even commit to drastic changes just to fill the void. While it’s normal to want to find something to distract yourself, these major decisions can often complicate things in the long run.
Instead, give yourself some time and space before making any big life decisions. The healing process requires clarity, and making decisions out of emotional distress can cloud your judgment. Whether it’s about relationships, work, or personal life, allow yourself the time to heal and think things through.
8) Consider Professional Help if Needed
If you’re struggling more than expected with your breakup and the holidays feel overwhelming, it might be worth seeking professional help. A therapist can help you process the range of emotions you might be feeling and provide coping strategies to work through the pain.
Don’t view therapy as something “only for big issues”—sometimes it’s just about giving yourself the space and tools to handle what you’re going through. If the holidays feel extra tough, and you’re finding it hard to cope, professional support can be a support.
9) Focus on Gratitude and Small Joys
Finally, while it may be hard to feel thankful in the midst of pain, practicing gratitude can help shift your mindset, even in small ways. Instead of focusing on everything you’ve lost, try to acknowledge the things you still have.
Maybe it’s a good friend who’s there for you, a favorite book to dive into, or a holiday movie that brings back memories of simpler times. Gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring your feelings, but it can help remind you that even in the darkest moments, there’s still goodness in your life.
Conclusion
Dealing with a breakup around the holidays isn’t easy, but it’s important to remember that it’s okay to not feel okay. Take things one step at a time, and prioritize your well-being. With patience, time, and self-compassion, you’ll find that the holidays don’t have to define your healing journey. You deserve to heal and thrive, even in the face of difficult emotions. Take care of yourself, and let yourself grow stronger through this season.